02 November 2007

Ph.D. student anthem

(Sing to the tune of... Rock Star by Nickelback, with due apologies to the band)

I'm through with standing in line
to the parking lots I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be

(tell me what you want)

I want a brand new project
with a PI who rocks
And a laboratory I can play baseball in
And a king size bench big enough
for ten plus me

(yeah,so what you need)

I'll need a, a HHMI grant that's got no limit
And a big huge office with a bedroom in it
Gonna never leave lab if
At all I can help it

(Been there done that)

I want new libraries full of old articles
And my own name in the Nobel Committee
Somewhere between Crick and
Amartya Sen is fine for me

(So how ya gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this research for a Ph.D.,
I'd even finish my manuscript to impress my committee,

[CHORUS]
'Cause we all just wanna be big postdocs
Live in our labs reading fifteen graphs
The grants come easy and the reagents come cheap
We'll all stay skinny cause we just won't sleep
And we'll hang out in the coolest labs
With the scientists who discovered Alzheimer's and SARS
Every good student's
Gonna wind up there
Every good project
will be in our lair
and well..
Hey hey I wanna be a postdoc
Hey hey I wanna be a postdoc

I wanna be great like Salk without the hassle
Order around eight techies who love to clone and dazzle
Attend a couple product seminars
So I can eat my meals for free

(I have a quesadilla... on the house)

I'm gonna dress my ass
In a nerdy fashion
Get a front door key to the BSL-4 mansion
Gonna date a lab computer that loves to
Run my simulations for me

(So how ya gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this research for a Ph.D.,
I'd even finish my manuscript to impress my committee,

'Cause we all just wanna be big postdocs
Live in our labs reading fifteen graphs
The grants come easy and the reagents come cheap
We'll all stay skinny cause we just won't sleep
And we'll hide out in the conference rooms
With the latest manuscripts
for today's review
We'll get you any collaborator
with that knowing smile
Everybody's got a
nobel winner on speed dial
well..
Hey hey I wanna be a postdoc

I'm gonna do the research
that disproves the naysayers
Gonna dispense my solutions
from high throughput pipeters
Get Beckman robots doing all my stuff
And the reviewers just can't get enough

'Cause we all just wanna be big postdocs
Live in our labs reading fifteen graphs
The grants come easy and the reagents come cheap
We'll all stay skinny cause we just won't sleep
And we'll hide out in the conference rooms
With the latest manuscripts
for today's review
We'll get you any collaborator
with that knowing smile
Everybody's got a
Nobel winner on speed dial
well..

Hey hey I wanna be a postdoc
Hey hey I wanna be a postdoc

20 comments:

Sreekumar said...

Yoohoo! Nice words...thats why I came into this line anyways. Amen! :)

Mansoora said...

this is hilarious!!!! you're very talented :D

Rajesh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rajesh said...

Are you sure you don't want to be a Rockstar ? ;-)

shilpa said...

well....if anything atleast gettin thru the PhD has taught you how to be serious competition to Wierd Al Yankovic...the lyrics are hilarious...

Sing to tune of Numb with JayZ

What the hell will you complain about
If your prof were cool
And your project worked
If papers were read
And you had your say

What the hell will you complain about!

Numb...FYI is by Linkin Park...

AuthorMomWith Dogs said...

So, Ranjit, has your grant come through? :)

When you heading out to your research job? Or are you already there?

Mosilager said...

hey thanks everyone for the great response! I'll be back to comment at your sites in 2 weeks or so once I'm settled down at home.

karen - next week heading out... nope, no grant, but my boss will pay me to have fun satisfying my curiosity for at least a year :) I love this job.

Anonymous said...

Ranjeeeee!!!
You have outdone yourself with this one.. Amazing job....that too at 4:30 in the morning..I guess the creative urges woke you up!!!!

freespirit said...

u genuis u..i've missed u Mosi! I'll be back in your motherland next week. Send me a number in Z where I can call you, from U. :)

Mosilager said...

thanks m and freespirit...

i'm going home in 2 days!

Anonymous said...

You missed to mention the times you did not want to go through with the PhD ... when you wanted to give up ... and might want to remember the ppl who were picking you up ... big Dr Mosi

mosilager said...

hi anon. I try to have a non-serious viewpoint around here that's why I did not mention all that. But yes, I'm very thankful to all the people who helped me to get through the phd.

Anonymous said...

so you have arrived?

Anonymous said...

why aren't you on Skype yet?

The_Girl_From_Ipanema said...

congrats! :) hilarious work with the anthem.

StyleyGeek said...

That is the BEST.

Unbalanced Reaction said...

I *love* this. I was going to quote my favorite lines, but I think it would result in an obnoxiously long comment. :)

Mosilager said...

Thanks TGFI, Styley and Unbalanced.

HellBound but Still Divine aka Alok Joglekar said...

AWESOME !!

Ashwin Kelkar said...

awesome !!! wonderful ! fantastic !! these were the very sentiments in the recess of my heart and you said them !! i don't even know the original song but man.. this is way too good..