Tom Clancy -
Harry Ryan would be fighting the reconstituted Soviet Union led by Voldermovich. Apparently after Voldermorovich's (also known as you-know-who because nobody can pronounce the name) spies assassinate the entire US leadership with a nuke, Harry Ryan becomes President with the lowest approval rating since W. He finds out through some super-duper satellite technology that you-know-who has taken charge of a nuclear sub and is streaming towards the US. Ron's friend Harry is on a US submarine where he uses Fred and George's extendable ears to eavesdrop on you-know-who's submarine and finds out that you-know-who actually wants to defect to the US and in fact Severe Snapovich is the one who ordered the attack. Rest of the book focuses on bringing you-know-who to the US undetected while Severe is held back by the threat of the US navy.
Enid Blyton -
Draci Malfoy is a rich spoilt girl who attends Hoggery Towers and tries to lord it over everyone there. Her sycophants do her homework for her. Her only rival is Harriet Rivers who is honest, brave, and struggles with a horrible temper. Harriet Rivers tries to exclude Draci from fun things like midnight parties and swimming in the moat. This keeps going on for 7 books or so till it turns out that Draci is actually not that rich, and has no chance of marrying a wealthy guy because she goes to a girl's school and has no idea how to behave around men. So she has to get a job. The end.
Goscinny and Uderzo
The year is 50 B.C. All of France is taken over by Julius Volder and his minions. Well, not quite all, as there is one village surrounded by armed camps that still holds out. This is a village of wizards and witches, where the only guy without any magic (Filchix) is tied up routinely at village festivals. Harrix and Hagrix are best of friends and keep running up to Volder's friends to cause trouble with magic taught to them by their druid, Dumbledorix.
Hermione gets herself engaged to Harry when she has a fight with Ron. Draco is also in love with Hermione. When Draco is not at his day job designing underwear for women, he runs the 'Malfoy Youth,' a club whose members like to parade around in khaki shorts and swastikas and talk of the coming revolution. He threatens to break Harry into 5 pieces if Harry hurts Hermione in any way. Dumbledore, Harry's faithful butler, arranges for hired hands to try to kidnap Hermione, whereupon Ron is supposed to come and save her. Unfortunately Draco gets there and beats up the hired hands, rescuing Hermione, and earning her love. Harry is in the clear but Ron is extremely unhappy. The rest of the series consists of Harry being engaged to Ginny, Parvati, Pansy etc. while his Aunt Petunia tries to set him up with McGonagall. How will he escape this mess? Why, ask Dumbledore.
Agent H works for the shadowy British secret service MI5. He travels the world fighting Voldermort's henchmen by drinking, gambling, and picking up lots of women. Even though he never calls the women the next day, they still love him when they see him 5 years later. The "Potter, Harry Potter" line never fails. He has a flirty relationship with Dumbledore's secretary Hermione. There are other agents who work for MI5, but they are expendable and die at Voldermort's hands 10 minutes after you meet them.
The Wachowski Brothers
Dumbledore says to Harry, "Take the honey flavoured Bertie Botts' beans and you wake up in your bed, take the earwax flavoured one and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." Harry obviously takes the earwax flavoured one and discovers that the world of muggles is an illusory place dreamed up by Voldermort. A prophecy exists that says that Harry is the one who will bring down Voldermort and introduce the dreaming muggles to sucky reality. Nobody asks the muggles if that is what they really want. The wizards' and witches' magic in this turns out to be gravity defying stunts and cloning. In the end Harry triumphs and tells the muggles that they must wake up and face a 13th century existance till they rebuild everything that the war destroyed.
This one is from Amrita:
Douglas Adams' version
- Harrod Beeblebrox is known as the Human who survived the demolition of Planet Hograthea. This has made a lot of galactic citizens very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
In desperate search of Harrod, is Vogonmort. It's widely known that Vogonmort's rendition of Avadra Kedavra has fatal effects on the listener. To aid Harrod if his search for muffliators is Albus Prefect who has written the Apparator's guide to the Galactical World. Harrod is accompanied in his travels by Magrid, the depressed giant, Trione, chief researcher and Von - the driver of the Hippogrif.
From Shilpa... if Orhan Pamuk wrote Harry Potter:
I will be called ,"He who must not be named"
I am extraordinary.I am aware of it.By the grace of our Exalted Wizard , I have been born to strike terror.I will live on ,immortal,in service to our great Wizard.The Headmaster,really an ordinary sort,has no inkling of the power...[read the entire post, it's hilarious].