31 July 2007

Facebook site down...

... and the world experiences a 6% increase in economic output...

imagine if blogger went down... all of the world's problems would be solved. We'd stop bitching about them on blogs and actually do something about it...

22 July 2007

If the Harry Potter series was written by...

Tom Clancy -
Harry Ryan would be fighting the reconstituted Soviet Union led by Voldermovich. Apparently after Voldermorovich's (also known as you-know-who because nobody can pronounce the name) spies assassinate the entire US leadership with a nuke, Harry Ryan becomes President with the lowest approval rating since W. He finds out through some super-duper satellite technology that you-know-who has taken charge of a nuclear sub and is streaming towards the US. Ron's friend Harry is on a US submarine where he uses Fred and George's extendable ears to eavesdrop on you-know-who's submarine and finds out that you-know-who actually wants to defect to the US and in fact Severe Snapovich is the one who ordered the attack. Rest of the book focuses on bringing you-know-who to the US undetected while Severe is held back by the threat of the US navy.

Enid Blyton -
Draci Malfoy is a rich spoilt girl who attends Hoggery Towers and tries to lord it over everyone there. Her sycophants do her homework for her. Her only rival is Harriet Rivers who is honest, brave, and struggles with a horrible temper. Harriet Rivers tries to exclude Draci from fun things like midnight parties and swimming in the moat. This keeps going on for 7 books or so till it turns out that Draci is actually not that rich, and has no chance of marrying a wealthy guy because she goes to a girl's school and has no idea how to behave around men. So she has to get a job. The end.

Goscinny and Uderzo
The year is 50 B.C. All of France is taken over by Julius Volder and his minions. Well, not quite all, as there is one village surrounded by armed camps that still holds out. This is a village of wizards and witches, where the only guy without any magic (Filchix) is tied up routinely at village festivals. Harrix and Hagrix are best of friends and keep running up to Volder's friends to cause trouble with magic taught to them by their druid, Dumbledorix.

P.G. Wodehouse
Hermione gets herself engaged to Harry when she has a fight with Ron. Draco is also in love with Hermione. When Draco is not at his day job designing underwear for women, he runs the 'Malfoy Youth,' a club whose members like to parade around in khaki shorts and swastikas and talk of the coming revolution. He threatens to break Harry into 5 pieces if Harry hurts Hermione in any way. Dumbledore, Harry's faithful butler, arranges for hired hands to try to kidnap Hermione, whereupon Ron is supposed to come and save her. Unfortunately Draco gets there and beats up the hired hands, rescuing Hermione, and earning her love. Harry is in the clear but Ron is extremely unhappy. The rest of the series consists of Harry being engaged to Ginny, Parvati, Pansy etc. while his Aunt Petunia tries to set him up with McGonagall. How will he escape this mess? Why, ask Dumbledore.

Ian Fleming
Agent H works for the shadowy British secret service MI5. He travels the world fighting Voldermort's henchmen by drinking, gambling, and picking up lots of women. Even though he never calls the women the next day, they still love him when they see him 5 years later. The "Potter, Harry Potter" line never fails. He has a flirty relationship with Dumbledore's secretary Hermione. There are other agents who work for MI5, but they are expendable and die at Voldermort's hands 10 minutes after you meet them.

The Wachowski Brothers
Dumbledore says to Harry, "Take the honey flavoured Bertie Botts' beans and you wake up in your bed, take the earwax flavoured one and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes." Harry obviously takes the earwax flavoured one and discovers that the world of muggles is an illusory place dreamed up by Voldermort. A prophecy exists that says that Harry is the one who will bring down Voldermort and introduce the dreaming muggles to sucky reality. Nobody asks the muggles if that is what they really want. The wizards' and witches' magic in this turns out to be gravity defying stunts and cloning. In the end Harry triumphs and tells the muggles that they must wake up and face a 13th century existance till they rebuild everything that the war destroyed.

This one is from Amrita:
Douglas Adams' version
- Harrod Beeblebrox is known as the Human who survived the demolition of Planet Hograthea. This has made a lot of galactic citizens very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
In desperate search of Harrod, is Vogonmort. It's widely known that Vogonmort's rendition of Avadra Kedavra has fatal effects on the listener. To aid Harrod if his search for muffliators is Albus Prefect who has written the Apparator's guide to the Galactical World. Harrod is accompanied in his travels by Magrid, the depressed giant, Trione, chief researcher and Von - the driver of the Hippogrif.

From Shilpa... if Orhan Pamuk wrote Harry Potter:

I will be called ,"He who must not be named"
I am extraordinary.I am aware of it.By the grace of our Exalted Wizard , I have been born to strike terror.I will live on ,immortal,in service to our great Wizard.The Headmaster,really an ordinary sort,has no inkling of the power...[read the entire post, it's hilarious].

17 July 2007

How to find the perfect woman

It's very simple. Observe carefully her drinking habits. If you think these habits are compatible with the remainder of your life, go for it. Several common drinking types are mentioned below:

1. The sorry, no thank you - this one does not drink alcohol, no, not even secretly when no one is watching. If you look forward to 1 year of half-bottle (beer, not wine) and the remaining years of no bottle, this is the one for you. (See also No. 5 for an important addendum).

2. The sipper - These women think drinking is a VERY BAD THING, but they have a sip every now and then. They are usually guilty of terrible alcohol abuse - you know, wasting it. It takes a man with good 'kapaasitee' to be the knight in shining armour in this case. Not only does he have to finish the whole drink (which will likely be some mix with just enough alcohol that a bloodhound can detect if he falls right in it), he has to handle the guilt trip afterwards. Probably drinking some more would help.

3. The sleeper - This type drinks just enough to get sleepy, and then dozes off. So much for the old standby of trying to get her drunk. It's much much harder to trick a girl into marriage when she refuses to wear beer goggles. It's also terribly hard to dance when the only partner you have is in dreamland on the bar table. Best to avoid unless one is strong enough to carry her around.

4. The screamer - After a couple of drinks, this one gets very loud, boisterous and uninhibited enough to share dirty jokes with the public. Drags almost everyone to the dance floor and seems to know every single person in the bar. Occasionally can be embarrassing when she points out horrible clothing on someone who just happens to be within earshot. Best avoid making romantic overtures when she is drunk - this one is just out for a good time with romance-radar turned off.

5. The sexy one - She gets very flirtatious after several drinks. All in good fun, except if a guy is around that she is actually interested in, she'll get shy. If you happen to be the object of interest, do not confuse this type of girl with No. 1. Some discreet enquiries to her normal drinking companions are usually enough to discriminate between No. 1 and No. 5. Usually escorted home by the best friend when random guys start taking the flirtation seriously. No, there's no point in trying to be the protective best friend - he never gets invited in at the end of the night and his gallant actions are forgotten by the morning.

6. The super soaker - She matches you shot for shot and beer for beer. She can hold the drink with the best of them and converse knowledgeably about the merits of single vs blended scotch. She doesn't complain about hangovers either. This one is extremely rare and a keeper - should you find a girl like this then never leave the house without her.

OK, so having killed all pretense of political correctness with this post, I should post a disclaimer saying that it was all in jest and no right thinking boy should pick a woman based solely on her skills with the bottle (although it may be better than picking solely for looks). Also don't drink too much and if your friends think you do, then get help... now. The account is not based on any person, living or dead, and is solely the product of Dr. Mosi's rather fertile imagination when sleep deprived and hungry. Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is solely due to the fertile imagination of the reader.

11 July 2007

Will it survive

Will it survive?

the coming storm?

10 July 2007

Political correctness gone awry

I do good things every once in a while, and it was the turn of HIV in Africa the other day when I donated blood to this cause (If anyone is interested, contact Lova). Anyway I engaged the lady taking the blood (LTB) in conversation:

LTB: donating blood, hey?
Mosi: yeah, Lova's begging email asking for volunteers finally got me in here. i live with him
(at this point everything was fine... but given that i was a bit nervous about having a big needle stuck in me, I continued on)..

... though not in the biblical sense...
...not that there's anything wrong with that...

score mosi 0; political correctness 1

08 July 2007

The end of all things


These flowers wilted in their time. The red turned to brown, the petals shriveled, the odour dissipated. They achieved immortality as the memories they represented are still alive.

04 July 2007