30 July 2006

Fire exit

Sign says fire exit. There's a table, a lock and wooden bar on the door. Goodbye to everyone if there is a fire.

29 July 2006

Dearly beloved

Hi guys I was attempting a new technological milestone by blogging my friend's wedding as it was going on by taking photos on the mobile and sending it to the blog. At least one person that I know of in Zambia was able to 'see' stills from the wedding as it went on because of it.

The groom and several friends are going to post the links to the nice camera photos soon so I took the wedding pics off the blog. Rajesh that was what this was all about sorry about no explanations. (Of course we wanted to keep the India-Pakistan-Zambia-Zimbabwe wedding very hush hush he he he).

28 July 2006

Texas crickets.

At a hotel. Awesome sign. Of course i was happy 2 read the first sentence and then disappointed 2 read the rest.

24 July 2006

Is USA the new India?

40 - 50 degrees (104 - 122F), powercuts... and no, not Delhi, this is California and New York I'm talking about.

23 July 2006

Pain at the pump

We got major pain paying the high petrol prices... but can you imagine this guy?

pain at the pump

That black thingi in the centre is a hummer stretch limo. Gets approximately 3.4km/L (8 miles per gallon). Nasty!

Stud Juice


Seen at a store...

Stud Juice energy drink

Stud juice energy drink
from a dud to a stud
so you can get some babes
and kick some butt

18 July 2006

Gita fell

Edit: The internet service providers are to blame for the blocking of blogspot blogs and not the government of India, so much of the rant below is unwarranted, but I'll leave it on anyway until the ISPs sort their problems out...

Gita was playing in the park. She fell down and hurt her leg. Gita’s mother did not admit it was her negligence that caused the accident, but she slapped Meena and Rekha and Rakhi who were playing somewhere else in the playground to make it look like to her friends that she was doing something about it. Then she stopped Gita from going to school and grounded her saying that it was her fault that she fell. The other children complained but since they had no say in the running of Gita’s house their voices went unheard. Gita’s mother said, “So she’ll miss a few days of school, tell me how that affects you.” Gita also wanted to go back to school so her friends threw the assignments and homework that she had missed into her room in the evening and Gita would throw back the finished assignments in the morning. So net result of the ban was that Gita’s mom got lied to and other kids and Gita had to spend more time to get the same things done. It also fueled Gita’s resentment against her mom and she thought that when she becomes independent, she would show her mom a thing or two about bans on schools.

As you may have guessed I am ranting about the Indian Government pulling a China and inadvertently blocking the whole of blogspot.com where this blog is hosted as well as hundreds of thousands of others in response to the Mumbai blasts. This is in direct contravention to Article 19 of the Indian constitution which the government has sworn to defend. You can read about the whole sordid affair here and here and a very funny take on the situation here.

If these guys had to block something they should have blocked splogs or that annoying doubleclick.net that keeps popping up everywhere. Don’t block my blog… bad government, no votes for you! (To give the government some credit, they thought that they were blocking 12 individual websites but the ISPs did not have the technology to do that so they blocked the whole of blogspot, typepad and geocities). When will these guys realise that blocks like these are easily circumvented? The only way to ban some websites is to block the entire internet, or to make like the Great Firewall of China and have a huge censor department to filter out specific content from websites.

I would like to thank my government for ensuring that my country remains safe from the mental terrorism caused by free speech and blogspot.com and the constitution. I only wish they had first decided to stop the physical torture that the real terrorists caused.

My favourite conspiracy theory - the govt. wants google to monitor blogs and block the terrorism supporting ones and will try to block .blogspot.com until google agrees. Anyway, here's an easy way that works to access blocked sites:
add .nyud:8080 to the end of the website. For instance if you wanted to access the dog blog you would type
http://mosilager.blogspot.com.nyud.net:8080 instead of the normal http://mosilager.blogspot.com

Here are some links for help about the issue, what you can do etc.
Blogger's Collective
List of angry bloggers who posted about the problem
Press Coverage


This was cross-posted on:
Let us speak.

15 July 2006

Don't mix love, cross-dressing and terrorism

Growing up, we knew parents who did not want boys to talk to their daughters or vice versa. The usual trick was to get somebody of the same gender as the telephonee to make the initial call and then do the hand-off to the real telephoner. Then arrangements could be made for meetings and such. (This is not to say I participated in any such activities, I just knew about them from others **wink, wink**). There were also other elaborate schemes where entire houses were moved virtually to different locations and suddenly James lived where Jane used to for a few hours, or Salman's house would suddenly become Salma's house for transporting parents. You know the drill. All that stopped though when we moved on from school. Here's a 33 year old guy who pulled one that none of us ever thought about (and let us say we had enough sense not to carry it out even if it had come to mind). He gets full marks for innovation, though.

Right after the Mumbai serial bomb blasts, a man was caught wearing a burkha, or burqa, (traditional muslim dress for women that covers everything) at Chhatrapati Shivaji nee Sahar International airport in Mumbai. Apparently he was loitering and got caught by the cops who started asking questions. This is where the plot thickens.
Apparently this guy was in love with a girl who was landing at the airport. The girl's dad was one of those scary individuals who did not want his daughter to have anything to do with this guy. So he was pretending to be a woman to get to his girlfriend through her sister and instead wound up in the hands of the cops and his plot exposed to the whole nation.

What love... the girl should definitely marry him before he lands in jail again... but I just have 3 questions - how did they know he was a man under this flowing robe, would they have arrested a man wearing a sari or dress under the same circumstances and will he occasionally steal her burkha after the wedding?

13 July 2006

Lafayette without Superman

A pillar of the department, affectionately known as Superman, found his Kryptonite during an intense sports engagement with some of the finest of Lafayette. Supes was trying to apprehend a missile fired over his head by the mighty blade of his arch-rival Lex Luthor. The safety of Superman’s team’s total depended on this apprehension. Unfortunately Lex was one step ahead of our hero and had astutely added a core of Kryptonite in the shape of a tennis ball to the missile. Falling from the great height of 4 metres, the ball guided itself to the middle finger of our hero and he fell; struck down before his time and leaving the county exposed to Lex.

For 5 days Lafayette was at the mercy of the villain and this resulted in more injuries. Picture this, a beautiful day, grass, trees, wine, a picnic. I, enjoying quiet time in the sun, commiserating with France’s loss to Italy in the World Cup, was rudely thrown off my chair. A piece of wood, hurled mightily behind me caused my dog Ginga to take off after it. Unfortunately said canine was connected to my hand by a short leash, supposedly for his safety but in reality for the merriment of my companions, which caused me to take off and land gently on the grass and be the butt of jokes from my so-called friends for the rest of my Purdue career. It’s a miracle nobody had a camera but I will be monitoring America’s funniest animals and America’s funniest home videos just in case I am vilified all over U.S. TV.

Another was injured during this time while pursuing his scientific duties. I speak of none other than the one who inspired many dry ice wars in lab in the halcyon days of his youth, when the world was protected by Superman. It happened on his way to hunting deadly viruses in the part of the chamber that-must-not-be-named except by the two character acronym that terrifies all those who hate climbing stairs with heavy loads - P3. The terrain was a mixture of grass and concrete. The grass contained many dangers that outwardly appear in this dimension as squirrels, but in reality are fiends waiting for the chance to pounce upon the undefended county of Tippecanoe. In minding the fiends, my friend fell victim to their plan and ignored the treacherous terrain, twisting his ankle and chipping his bone in the process.

More unexplained events occurred in the absence of our hero. A machine that was running my sample died mysteriously during the run and would not be persuaded to start again for love or for money or new fuses. A nail appeared in the sidewall of my car tyre to make me lose hundreds of thousands of Kwacha to renew my tyres.

Superman must return... we are unsafe without him. Our biggest concern is that we will not know the time to meet to engage in the activity known to Americans as cricket and Indians, Sri Lankans, Pakistanis, and Bangladeshis as life, for he was our coordinator.

To be continued…


11 July 2006

What do we do next?

How do we end this terrorist violence? Some of the approaches followed so far:

USA - tighten immigration policies, spy on US residents' phone calls and financial transactions, invade country that is hosting the perpetrator as well as random country with a dictator who had intentions of using nonexistent nuclear / chemical weapons on USA.

Israel - answer violence against Israeli civilians with military violence against leaders of terrorist groups. The military violence is asymmetric so that people who have nothing to do with this die also.

India - promise a 'befitting response,' try to keep indians from killing other indians right after the attack, identify the perpetrators and kill some foot soldiers a few months later. Reeducation of terrorists that are caught for a chance to rehabilitate and join society.

Results
USA - No spectacular attacks on US soil - however presidency shaky due to autocratic methods. US citizens unsafe worldwide due to effects of attack on random country. No end to terrorism, however. Divisiveness and distrust between muslims / nonmuslims.

Israel - no end to terrorism in sight. New generation living in poverty, having their relatives killed creates a new cycle of suicide bombers. Hate / anger in both populations.

India - no end to terrorism with soft approach.

So... the question is what do we do now?
The jury is still out. None of these approaches have succeeded in stopping terrorism. The soft approach along with re-education may be the best long-term option, but it's hard to keep the population quiet without retaliation of some sort.

Poverty / no jobs may be breeding grounds for people who want to blow up other people. Their leaders are well educated people who know how to get things done. The credibility of those leaders should be targeted and the poor people reached so that they decide that playing football is better than running around blowing up people... or maybe blogging up people is better than blowing up people :)

Unfortunately there are no short-term solutions.


Heroism

When we were young we had heroes to look up to, Superman, Spiderman, Batman, even Hanuman... as we grow up we realise that heroism is about ordinary people going out of their way to do extraordinary things when the situation calls for it.

The heroism that common Mumbaikars have shown today to help victims of the terror attack is astounding. They have organised themselves to help the overwhelmed authorities with care of the wounded and dead. As phone lines are jammed a local group has been making efforts to help people all over the world find out about their Mumbai relatives. They have not lashed out in their sorrow at their neighbours and others' property, which was apparently the intention of these terrorists.

Hope the injuries will heal soon and condolences to the victims' families. The whole world is with Mumbai today.


09 July 2006

Shiv Sena protests in Mumbai

Shiv Sena protests in Mumbai

OK so somebody threw mud on a statue of the departed wife of the leader of this political party (the Shiv Sena). In a misguided attempt to earn favours from their dear leader, these guys are running around disrupting traffic, burning a bus, trying to enforce a shutdown of Mumbai / Bombay (or maybe I should call it Chhatrapati Shivajipuri).

What about the birds that throw excrement from the air on their beloved statue? That seems to me to be a more serious offense. All the birds of Chhatrapati Shivajipuri should henceforth be told to observe a no-fly zone around Bal Thakerey's wife's statue or the Shiv Sainiks will disrupt more city traffic. How much does a shutdown cost us in economic / developmental terms? If these worthies have so much time, they should use it in cleaning up the streets and slums and trying to educate themselves. Idiots!

Luckily it looks like the police are on it this time and hopefully can prevent loss of life / property.

08 July 2006

Football plans

Received by email from KingOfLions...


EnglishPlan

"Depending on the wind the striker's position may vary (no wonder Peter Crouch in their 1st 11"


GermanPlan

"Radical, efficient, unstoppable... ball speed may reach 297 kmph"


ItalianPlan

"Water tight, iron defence, small ideas in midfield, passes to striker... and penalty"


FrenchPlan

"In their plan they try all hypotheses. Shit! They forgot le goal!"


ArgentinaPortugalPlan

"Note, the red dot is not the ball, it is the referee."


BrazilianPlan

"...no comments. Even their coach gets confused. Too many joga bonitos on display."


AfricanPlan

"One man dribbles everyone in the opposite team, just can't beat the goalkeeper."


IndianPlan

"Stay at home drinking Frooti,
Watch other countries on TV,
Learn extraordinary skills but
Never to participate in tourney!"




You know you spend too much time in lab when...

You pat the top of any machine after putting your sample in and whisper "Good Boy" to help it perform better...

Normal people answer the phone at home with "Hello." You use "XXXX lab..."

Your nightmares include being late / unprepared for a lab meeting...

You wish they would have a cafeteria / shower / gym in lab so you wouldn't have to leave...

You spend time making up such lists...

Your lab fridge is stocked with beer and other essentials. Your desk shelves are full of snacks. Your home fridge has 3 month old leftovers that may just be alive...

You have a spare set of clothes in lab while your laundry is undone at home...

You get home early one day and wonder what there is to do...

You can name the 32 amino acid residues that you work on in your sleep but you don't know who's playing in the world cup finals...

Your idea of fun is exploding a dry ice bomb (and you're 30)...

Your other idea of fun is throwing liquid nitrogen on the floor...

You wonder if you can borrow something from the neighbouring lab to meet their new member...

You talk to yourself all the time and nobody notices...

You dream of having grants funded instead of winning the lottery...

You run down the lab hallway for anything other than a life-threatening situation...

It's Friday night and you are running just another gel...

It's Saturday night and you are planning your Sunday in lab...

You have named your pippettes / trash / bench...

(from Mayuri)
When you use lab keys to try and open your apartment door. Happens all the time.

You get spam email asking you to 'increase your thesis size.'

You can personally identify with more than 5 of the preceding items...

07 July 2006

I'm a genius... NOT

I completed one of those online IQ tests, which told me that I had an IQ of 126, which means I'm in the top 5% of their test takers and eligible to join their high IQ society. I was on seventh heaven for a while until the scientific training kicked in and I took the test giving random answers, it told me I had an IQ of 114, which meant I'm smart but not in the top 5% of their clientale. This happened twice so I'm not holding my breath on me being the luckiest test-taker alive. Here's the link, kinda fun but it's utterly meaningless.

Here's a different test which is more fun... They give phrases with some words only as initials and you have to figure those out, e.g.
24 H in a D = 24 hours in a day

my particular favourite is:

42 is the A to L, the U, and E

Any guesses?


The movie made me do it!

Malaysia call to ban film suicide

This is very sad, a Malaysian woman threw herself and her children in front of a running train. Two of the children survived. Malaysia is blaming imported Indian movies that show suicide and wants to censor suicide scenes from them. What the...?
If somebody wants to commit suicide, then they will, regardless of which movie they watch. The movie may give them ideas on how to go about it, but it's insanity to think that an adult can be influenced into ending his/her life and those of their children based on a film. The money would be better spent trying to get psychological support for people who show depression, or perhaps in alleviating the circumstances that lead to such situations. Now I know of children who have jumped off tall buildings thinking they were the random superhero of the day but those children do not know the consequences of their action. This lady clearly knew the consequences. I don't like censorship or random people getting blamed for stuff. Which brings me to C. Ronaldo and diving but you don't have to listen to my rant because Lova has said it way better than I would have here. This guy's diving around in the world cup and trying to tar and feather somebody else for a foul takes away from his Diego-like football skills and puts him in the rank of what I wait for the doggies to do every morning and night lest they do it inside the house while we are not there.


05 July 2006

Revocation of independence

Recieved via email...

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
by John Cleese
To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.

Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed."

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.
2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g.Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.
6. You should stop playing American "football." There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.


Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005.

You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day."
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager."

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine," with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly US$6/gallon - get used to it).
14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
Thank you for your co-operation

Response from America...
Yeah yeah if it weren't for us you guys would be sprechen sie deutsch...


02 July 2006

86.9, 96.1

I found that I type at 86.9 wpm, with 96.1% accuracy :) How about you? BTW the site isn't compatible with my firefox so try IE or opera if it doesn't work.

http://www.typequick.com.au/ttest/testyourskills.html