24 February 2006

Malayali names deconvoluted

I recieved this the other day by e-mail from Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla:

It has been a well kept secret for eons, shrouded in mystery and mazes of deceit, but finally Itty Boben Jacob Elias Kuruvilla from Pazhookaville, near Thelmasherry, Kerala has consented to let us publish this classified Mallu formula, on the naming of Mallu christian kids.

1. Select a combination of both the mother and fathers names. Eg: Suresh and Sharon = Susha or Joseph and Beena = Jobi.

2. The addition of a ‘mon’ (meaning son) or ‘mol’ (meaning daughter) is optional. eg: Sushamol, Robison

3. To attach a modern anglicised feel to the names, the mol or mon can be replaced with boy or girl. eg: Jobiboy, Sushagirl.

4. For the politically correct Malayalee family, mol and mon can be replaced by the universal ‘kutty’(child), which can be used for both boys and girls! Eg: Jokutty, Susikutty

Even parents having combination names can still give their children suitable names eg: Libi and Jobi = Lijo However, in the scenario where the parents already have combination names that cannot form more comprehensible child names. Eg: Itty and Amukutty, would produce only Itam (which doesn’t even sound like a name) or Amit (which is like Northie and stuff !!!), then

a. Use an English word like Baby, Merry, Titty, Pearly, Smiley, Anarchy, etc.

b. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene

c. Use a name from the Bible (and not Nebuchadnezzar ! Use one that even velliammachi can pronounce !) like Jacob, Sam, John, Joseph, Mathew, or Jijo !

d. Use a name that sounds like a cuss word but isn’t. Eg: Boben, Prussy, Shagi, JustinTimberlake etc.

Note: The use of the letter ‘j’ is useful in the naming of sibling where names that sound alike are a novelty. Eg: Ajji, Sajji, Majji, Bhajji and Nimajji, or Sijo, Lijo, Jijo, Anjo, Panjo, Banjo

If you are not rolling on the floor with laughter by now, then you probably don't know any Malayalees. Also, I didn't write this, don't know who did, whoever it is did a great job and should be on the Great Indian Laughter Challenge.


The Wizard of Odd said...


almost fell off a chair in a rhode island library laughing, at 12:19am. Thankyou, I needed that :)

Love this post.


Mosilager said...

Thanks wiz! I just got it by email, I didn't make it up but I had exactly the same reaction as you did.

erica barry said...

Oh my goodness. I nearly chewed my lip off trying to contain my laughter. Malayalees are the best! Here's to you, bbj!

shilpa said...

Hahahhaha..Amazing....really really funny.and even more so now that I know alot more people named so!

Anonymous said...

Funny, I've always wondered at these cant-believe-it's-real kinda names. I have a cousin brothers named Litty and Litto and an aunty called Fancymol!

Your truly.

Prashant Thankappan said...

oh man....
I named my daughter Nihara and my distant relative who has a son named Gleo scoffed at me.

What puzzles me is the fact that Kerala is a state with highest literacy and why do we mess up naming in naming kids. Why aren't we malayalees farsighted to understand the implications of having such wierd names like, Simina, Femina, Annus, Lervin, etc.

Raju :) said...

b. Use a combination of two English names that you think sound cool (but never cool enough) like Meredith + Gina = Megi, or Sharon + Darlene = Sharlene
Can I apply the same logic to the son of Pothen and Kristina? Or the daughter of Musthafa and Laila? or the daughter of Yogesh and Malini?

Rachna said...

Juz went thru ur post....
dint get the humour behind it...may be dint know any such malayalees....tho a malayalee myself...but yes such names in christians are common in kerala.....as per my mom.....